1 Corinthians 13:4-8

it is somewhat daunting to be this open and honest through a blog, but i hope to serve as an example for other girls and women, as well as offer some insight into what is so challenging about the persisting idea of the “first year” of marriage.  before getting married, and actually for a couple months after, i was craving some insight from a Godly woman.  i wanted a book to read that explained what the struggles are and how to overcome them.  i found it very challenging to find such a book, and so i thought it would be a good idea to write what i had wanted to read.  so today i am sharing with you what it has been like so far to become a wife.

nathan and i have been married for just over five months now.  i have spent these months transitioning into wifehood and adjusting to all that it entails.  overall, it has been a time of growth for both nathan and myself and we are enjoying the process of growing together as a married couple.  it hasn’t all been easy though.

people always say that the first year of marriage is hard, but it is not something that can be totally explained.  for people who do not live together before getting married, as was the case for us, there are really two transitions going on- the transition into becoming a spouse and the transition into becoming a housemate.

for nathan and i, we did a lot of work prior to getting married to prepare for the spousal transition- we did premarital counseling, read several books, and had many, many discussions about the process.  even after going through all this preparation, we are still facing challenges.

for me, the transition of becoming a housemate is what has proved challenging.  upon reading this statement you might be assuming that the challenge stems from nathan’s propensity to be messy and disorganized (due to the traditional stereotype).  however, this is not the case for us.  i think we are actually equally messy.  the challenge really has been a more personal struggle for me.  i have found that living in a way that shows respect and love to one another is something that i wasn’t quite ready to do.  to have to put aside my own feelings and desires (for example: “I am tired and I don’t feel like cleaning/cooking/etc.”) to act in a sacrificial way is a daily challenge.  this is a challenge facing both nathan and myself.

so far, we haven’t been following the traditional roles of husbands and wives, as i am the one with a full-time job and he does more of the cooking and the laundry than i do.  we try to share duties and to balance them out;  i feel that we are doing a pretty good job of keeping this balance, but i daily have to struggle to keep selfishness at bay.  i suppose that is why marriage is a picture of Christ’s relationship to the church- Christianity is a daily dying to oneself and surrendering to Christ.  and so it is the same with marriage.  both partners must put aside their own wishes every day in order to act in love toward the other.

while this is a challenge, it is a challenge that is definitely worth taking on.  for it is through our struggles that we are refined and sanctified, made holy and pleasing to God.  what a good lesson to learn!

so, yes, our first year of marriage has been challenging on some level.  but ultimately, it is a process of growing and maturing, which for us has been very fruitful and fulfilling.  i suppose our challenge of learning how to live together is a dying challenge in our world today.  since many couples live together before they get married, they have a chance to work these things out prior to being husband and wife.  even though we did not have this jump start, i am an avid supporter of not living together before marriage.  there is something beautiful about experiencing marriage the way God intended it and going through the struggles in order to be refined as christians.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 states:  “4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”  Jesus is the only being who ever loved perfectly, but we are to strive for this in all of our relationships, as the Holy Spirit moves us to do.

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